My brother in law last night said something at dinner that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. We were talking about my situation and I was explaining some of the medical aspects of it to him and he told me that i had "the best poker face" and that just by looking at me you would never know what I was dealing with. I think was such an interesting comment and I agree with him, but I'm sick of it. So much of what I'm dealing with is kept to myself, or maybe River, but no one else really knows what I struggle with on a daily basis. Crohn's in general is not a disease people typically talk about because of the nature of the disease, but that is becoming a double edged sword. More people NEED to be talking about it. When I was diagnosed in 2008 I had never heard of the disease, and had I known about it, Im sure I would have been more likely to seek treatment earlier than I did. For close to two years i kept my symptoms hidden simply because I didn't know any better. I found every way imaginable to blame myself for what was happening to my body. I wasn't eating right, i was eating too much, it was stress related…i came up with every excuse in the book because I didn't know it was possible that there was actually a possibility that something really was wrong. Crohn's has affected so many different aspects of my life and I'm sick of having to have a "poker face" about it. All through high school I had to convince my parents that I didn't have an eating disorder, which was near impossible considering i was running to the bathroom every 5 minutes after i ate, I had to quit playing the sports that i loved all my life, and my social life was definitely impacted, I was no longer able to go out to dinner or parties simply because i knew i would end up getting sick and being uncomfortable. My whole life became a game of planning based on my crohn's. Still to this day I deal with that, and it causes so much anxiety. I have learned to cope with it over the years, but i know so many people probably aren't able to do that. Im asking you guys to please not pass judgement over someone who has this disease, and understand that although we may not look sick on the outside, inside and emotionally we struggle every single day. If you know someone who may have crohn's symptoms, ask them if theres anything you can do to help them, and urge them to go to a doctor quicker than I did so that maybe down the line they won't be struggling so much. Support is literally the best medicine in the world, and maybe if I start letting my guard down and showing people what someone like me deals with on a daily basis I can get more support and in turn, give more to other people who are dealing with similar issues as me. So thank you Arden for inspiring this post and for inspiring me to lose that poker face that I've had plastered on my face for years. If talking about my crohns openly and honestly can help one person, I will be beyond satisfied. Keep checking back with me for more on this one… Off to eat dinner with my amazing husband for now. 

Love, C