Its been over a week since I've updated last and so much has happened since then. I am feeling like a NEW person. I finally finished my antibiotics and got the infection out of my system. Getting that all taken care of made such a difference. I keep running over in my head when I would have gotten the infection taken care of if i didn't go back to clinic. I don't know when exactly where or when i picked the infection up, but my guess is that it had something to do with my emergency room visit to New York Pres. The ER was so beyond disgusting it makes the Cleveland Clinics ER look like a spa. In one of the bathrooms there wasn't a soap dispenser, in another there wasn't a toilet seat, and there were dust bunnies the size of texas floating around so it wouldn't be surprising if i picked it up there. The other possibility is that i got it from taking antibiotics for my abscess. The antibiotics mess with the bacteria in your intestines and it can sometimes lead to infections. Anyways, now that its gone I'm finding that the steroids are working wonders and i am able to get the crohns under control for now. Ive been weening off of the prednisone and in 6 weeks ill be off of it altogether. For those who are unfamiliar with steroids, when taking such high dosages you have to ween off of them or your body can go into shock. I start to get headaches right before I'm due to take my pills because my body is "craving" the steroid. Each week for 2 months i take 5 mg less until I'm totally off of them. The past week I've continued to research further into holistic options and I'm planning on starting a full gluten free diet starting when i start my cimzia treatment. Everyone that I've talked to has had nothing but great things to say about the diet and have said that it has changed their lives. If anyone has any recommendations on the subject, please, let me know! My uncle Brian works for a vitamin company called New Chapter, which is a high quality vitamin company that strives on making vitamins from all natural properties. "

Each New Chapter multi-vitamin is an innovative blend of these cultured vitamins and minerals, formulated to meet your specific life stage needs. Many of our multi-vitamin and targeted nutrient products (such as Activated C Food Complex) also include artisanal blends of targeted herbs to support specific areas of wellness."

Brian ordered me a round of several different vitamins that he thinks i can benefit from and i can't wait to get them started. I know some people are iffy about vitamins and many think they are just a waste of money, but i live by them and take tons daily. I typically buy the cheaper ones because lets face it, they're pretty expensive, but from what Brian explained to me they aren't made from natural properties and therefore our bodies aren't able to process them and use them as effectively as say the new chapter vitamins. Ive also started taking probiotics in the past week. I bought mine at whole foods in the refrigerated section. They're kind of expensive and i plan on switching over to a pill form but to get them kick started I'm going to do the yogurt form for the next couple of weeks. 

Overall, i feel worlds better than i did last week. Ive been doing yoga everyday, taking the dogs to the park, and river, arden, amber & i even went out for…chicken wings last week. MAJOR accomplishment that i was able to eat a chicken wing and not keel over. Tomorrow the 4 of us are going to the Cavs/Knicks game at the Garden and then Super Bowl festivities this weekend!! 

Until next time, C

My first week back has definitely been full of ups and downs. It kind of seems like every step forward I take, the next day is two full steps back. Its a little discouraging, but I'm keeping my head up. This was Rivers first week of busy season and him being gone from 8am-9pm everyday hasn't been easy, but as always I'm nothing but impressed with how he handles himself and all the pressures of life. He comes home with a smile everyday and it makes it much easier for me to return the favor no matter how I'm feeling. Thursday was a really good day for me, i was able to be up more than i have in weeks. Arden and amber were coming over for dinner and i don't know if i had a lot of adrenaline or what, but i was cooking all day and even walked to the store. Ive noticed that my pain in the past week has gone down a lot. I barely need to take pain medication anymore and when i do still get pain when i eat i can usually get it to go away with a bath or my heating pad. Anyone who knows me knows that i literally take around 10 hot baths a day, i find them beyond relaxing and they are really the only thing that i find works with my pain. Ive never been about pain meds, although my doctors encouraged me to take something through this flare up because of how bad it is. I don't find they really work for me, and if anything they just make me more exhausted, something i don't need more of. Tomorrow i will start tapering off the prednisone which i am THRILLED about. Its hard to describe taking steroids to someone who hasn't before, but it literally messes with your entire body system. The biggest thing for me is sleeping. Im a really difficult sleeper as it is (i use sleep medication) but on the prednisone its a whole different story. Its impossible to calm your body down enough to relax. I can feel my heart beating extra fast or hard (i know it sounds so weird) and sometimes its beating so hard i have to catch my breath, which makes sleeping really difficult. My senses are also extra crazy, especially smell. The slightest smell can make me gag and just in general i notice small smells i never would have noticed before, really weird. Another major thing I've struggled with this flare up is my eyes. Its not uncommon for people with autoimmune disorders such as crohns to have their eyes affected, but its never been an issue for me until now. When i started the prednisone about a month ago my eyelids literally became swollen shut and my vision in my right eye became blurry. This was one actually one of the reasons i thought i needed to go to the clinic to be seen, i was afraid it could be an allergic reaction to the steroids. After several eye doctor appointments when i was in the hospital they told me that because my immune system essentially attacks itself (autoimmune disease) my eyes were one of the places it was doing so. They described my eye as having a blister on the cornea from this and prescribed me, you guessed it, steroid drops. They seem to be getting a little better but are definitely still bothering me for now. It pretty much sucks just being around my apartment all day, but for now i know that i need to just be rebuilding my strength. My appetite is slowly coming back, but I'm still losing weight everyday. In the past 3 weeks I've lost just about 10 pounds…which you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at my face which is really puffy because of the prednisone. I can't wait until i can start exploring the city again and hopefully soon find another job. For now its been cleaning, trying lots of new recipes, pretty little liars, and hanging out with the puppies. Looking forward to a lazy sunday watching football all day with Riv tomorrow. 

Until next time, C

My brother in law last night said something at dinner that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. We were talking about my situation and I was explaining some of the medical aspects of it to him and he told me that i had "the best poker face" and that just by looking at me you would never know what I was dealing with. I think was such an interesting comment and I agree with him, but I'm sick of it. So much of what I'm dealing with is kept to myself, or maybe River, but no one else really knows what I struggle with on a daily basis. Crohn's in general is not a disease people typically talk about because of the nature of the disease, but that is becoming a double edged sword. More people NEED to be talking about it. When I was diagnosed in 2008 I had never heard of the disease, and had I known about it, Im sure I would have been more likely to seek treatment earlier than I did. For close to two years i kept my symptoms hidden simply because I didn't know any better. I found every way imaginable to blame myself for what was happening to my body. I wasn't eating right, i was eating too much, it was stress related…i came up with every excuse in the book because I didn't know it was possible that there was actually a possibility that something really was wrong. Crohn's has affected so many different aspects of my life and I'm sick of having to have a "poker face" about it. All through high school I had to convince my parents that I didn't have an eating disorder, which was near impossible considering i was running to the bathroom every 5 minutes after i ate, I had to quit playing the sports that i loved all my life, and my social life was definitely impacted, I was no longer able to go out to dinner or parties simply because i knew i would end up getting sick and being uncomfortable. My whole life became a game of planning based on my crohn's. Still to this day I deal with that, and it causes so much anxiety. I have learned to cope with it over the years, but i know so many people probably aren't able to do that. Im asking you guys to please not pass judgement over someone who has this disease, and understand that although we may not look sick on the outside, inside and emotionally we struggle every single day. If you know someone who may have crohn's symptoms, ask them if theres anything you can do to help them, and urge them to go to a doctor quicker than I did so that maybe down the line they won't be struggling so much. Support is literally the best medicine in the world, and maybe if I start letting my guard down and showing people what someone like me deals with on a daily basis I can get more support and in turn, give more to other people who are dealing with similar issues as me. So thank you Arden for inspiring this post and for inspiring me to lose that poker face that I've had plastered on my face for years. If talking about my crohns openly and honestly can help one person, I will be beyond satisfied. Keep checking back with me for more on this one… Off to eat dinner with my amazing husband for now. 

Love, C

Home sweet home. After a grueling 7:45 flight from Akron sunday morning, I finally made it back to New York. It was an instant relief to be back in my apartment and the first thing i did was take a nap with my boys in my own bed. It was heaven. I was discharged saturday and then began the giant hassle of getting my 11 prescriptions filled. I went to 3 different pharmacies looking for my antibiotic which needed to be mixed at a compound pharmacy. After dropping off all the other prescriptions at CVS i went back down to the clinic and finally got the antibiotic mixed. I spent Saturday night having dinner with my inlaws. Obviously this whole situation was not something I wanted to happen, but a silver lining of it was a got a whole extra week with my family all by myself. The holidays are always nice, but they have so much stress associated with them, especially now that were married, trying to share our short time seeing all the people we love. This christmas was especially rough because i also had doctors appointments and was just feeling plain awful to begin with. Bottom line of the story is that it was really nice to just get to spend quality time with my family, even if it was at a hospital. Since I've been home, things have been a little wishy washy. I can now see that this past weekend my body was running on pure adrenaline to get home to River because once i got home my body literally just crashed. The lack of energy has definitely been one of the biggest struggles for me. Im used to being such an active person and being "trapped" in my apartment all day is hard. At this point, walking down the hall to get the mail is an exhausting task and i know i need to be patient with my body, but feeling trapped in your own body is pretty discouraging. I can tell that my puppies can sense that something is different around the house. They both seem a little on edge and depressed. They are my best therapy and cuddling with them always makes me feel better and they can 100% tell that something is going on with mommy. I know its hard for them being in the apartment all day too. Were used to going to the park everyday, which is something at this point i can't even imagine trying. Lots of extra bones and cuddles for them for now. River started his busy season yesterday, which means 55+ hour work weeks, including Saturdays. I cannot even begin to tell you how proud I am of Riv and how he just literally jumped into this working world and is thriving more than I could have imagined. It was only a short 3 months ago he was a pizza man (which i have to say i do miss!) and now he is a cute little business professional! The long hours are going to be hard on both of us, but in 4 months he will have fridays off for the summer and that will be amazing, maybe well even get a couple of Hamptons trips in! Tonight were going to dinner at Arden and Ambers and so far its the highlight of my week. Having them in New York is such a blessing and having someone else cook dinner is always good too! 

The plan for the next month is to continue with the steroids, tapering them down in small amounts every week and then to start Cimzia at my next appointment. Im a little worried that my appointment is a full month away, especially because the cimzia takes time to kick in, its not just an automatic thing, but my doctor assures me that this is my best option so that i can begin to build some sort of immune system before we knock it back down. The antibiotic seems to be helping for the infection and once that goes away hopefully a lot of my pain will subside. 

Goals for today: make lemon bars and unpack my suitcase

Alot of uncertainties tonight as i get ready to sleep in the hospital for the last time. Tomorrow they are comfortable discharging me and Jani (Rivers mom) is going to pick me up and take me back to their house for the night. The tricky part is deciding when I'm ready to go back to new york. I feel strongly that my best recovery time will begin when i am home with my husband and our fluffy boys in my own apartment. Having a full week away from river caused enough stress and i want to get home to him asap. For now, Im planning on taking a 7:45 am flight sunday morning and getting back into Manhattan  around 10 or so. That being said, my family has voiced some concerns about me traveling so quickly and want me to stay in cleveland for a week or so to make sure everything checks out before i go home. I'm feeling a little discouraged about this because i don't think i should have to sit around and let my life go by before my eyes while i wait for something to happen, like getting sicker, or getting better. This crohns has taken enough away from me the past week and as much as i love my family here for having my best interests at heart, i have to listen to my body, and its telling me to get home to River and to the comfort of my own apartment. With this being said, some fires were lit under my butt today about "what if this happens, what if you get sicker, etc…" and my answer has to be "Yeah, what if it does…" I am going to have to take a gamble for what I believe to be best for me and not let the crohns bring me down along the way. I have begun looking at more radical and holistic changes that I'm very interested in starting once i get settled in back in new york. I am going to take control of this disease and not let it take control of me. River is all on board to make better eating habits that may help keep it under control, for example dairy and gluten free has shown some success among other patients, as well as holistic remedies such as acupuncture. At this point I'm willing to try it all. Sorry this post was kind of a rant. Im just a girl dying to go home to her husband and live our fairytale as normal and sick free as possible. The city is too beautiful a place to be too sick to enjoy it. Hopefully a good night so that all goes well with discharge tomorrow. 

Positive thoughts…C

Having a pretty calm day today, always a good sign i suppose. I got a good nights sleep and was able to sleep in again. Weirdly enough, I've slept 10x better here than I ever do at home and this private room is really helping with that. Kyra and mom got here right when I woke up and they convinced me to get out of bed and go down for a walk. The cleveland clinic really is an amazing place. There are so many people here, doctors, nurses, patients, visitors, its literally packed with people walking around. There is such gorgeous and interesting art everywhere and its fun to walk through the buildings, people watch, and look at al the sculptures and such. So, i trekked it down to joseph beth and did some browsing and then went up to the "rooftop" which is a floor in the glickman tower that has an amazing view of all of cleveland. We sat up there for a while looking at the lake and downtown. Its really relaxing up there, lots of employees and patients were up there having lunch and they even offer yoga and relaxation classes up there. After our little excursion i was pretty exhausted and kyra and i came back up to take a nap. Unfortunately, only one of us was able to sleep and it wasn't me. In the afternoon i was paid a visit by my regular GI doctor (he's not the one "treating" me in the hospital). We talked about what were going to do next. The infection throws things off a little bit and he wants to wait about a month to start the cimzia, which is what i will be taking for crohns "upkeep". The cimzia is a drug in a family of three that have been successful for people with crohns. I have taken the first two already unsuccessfully so theres a little bit of doubt about this third one but my doctor thinks that because this time the disease is back in a different location than it was pre-surgery that the drug may be more affective. We talked a bit about how its a little discouraging that the crohns has come back so quick and so strong only a year and a half past my surgery. The surgery was really supposed to give me at least a good 5 years. I have felt better than I can ever remember for the past year, it really sucks this decided to flare up so quickly. Again, what was the most unusual about it is that its in my colon now as opposed to just my small intestine. Having the disease flare up in the colon is a new ball game and essentially much worse than the small intestine in that there are not many surgical treatment options that don't involve getting in ileostomy bag, something i pray i will never require. So for now, the plan remains to continue the antibiotic and the steroid and still to be discharged on saturday. River continues to study away for his CPA exam tomorrow and I'm so sad i can't be there for him to help him study in any way i can. My family have been beyond supportive this week and i could literally not have gotten through this week without them. My mom took off work and was here cleaning my room and making sure i was comfortable, my dad did his work downstairs all week and came up to keep me company, and kyra was a source of endless laughs, smiles, and even some tears. Can you imagine being home for your college winter break and spending it at the hospital all day…she's the best. Even though Alli couldn't be here she's been texting and calling everyday for updates. Its so comforting knowing everyone cares. Tonight i gave everyone the night off and I'm sitting here myself watching one of my favorite movies ever, pearl harbor. Hopefully another strong day tomorrow and then, I'm busting out of here! Until then...

Greetings from the 10th floor at the cleveland clinic! The past few days have been very productive, yet also relaxing. Some questions have been answered, so hopefully relief is on the way. My hospital room has basically been a big party as it is always full of visitors which makes this way more bare able. I was put into a room with a girl a few years older than me who was here after a complication from pancreatic surgery. As far as roommates go, i couldn't have asked for a better one and her and her twin sister were very sweet and kept me company at night when my family went home. She was discharged yesterday and i wish her all the best of luck! sooooo i was hoping that i would have a private room for the night, score! i was very very VERY wrong. At around 11pm they brought in an older woman as a transfer from a hospital in Akron. She had no idea what her name was, where she was, or what was wrong with her. She did know, however, that Barack Obama was president…impressive. She had about 10 nurses and 5 doctors in our room all through the night. She became uncontrollable and wouldn't let anyone touch her or help her…it was a disaster. Meanwhile, i had taken my ambien and was forced to listen to all this screaming until 5 am! They were not able to transfer her and if i wanted another room i would have to be the one to move. So at 5am…hopped up on sleeping pills…I'm packing all my things and moving on down the hall. I was able to get a fantastic day of sleep…slept through breakfast, lunch, and all the way til about 5pm. This morning they told me that they found out i had a bacterial infection in my intestines which answers a lot of questions about why i haven't been responding as well as expected to the steroids. I started a strong round of antibiotics which should help kick the infection and the pain. The infection is pretty serious and is something that will need monitoring for a while to come but it sure explains a lot. Not to mention the best part is…drum roll…i now get to have my own private room for the rest of the time I'm here!! As far as the game plan…i will hopefully be out of here friday or saturday and then home to see my babies. The main goal for me is to make sure i have a long term treatment started before i head back home.

Now onto watch titanic and eat siam cafe. not a bad night….

Second times the charm? After a grueling 5 hour wait in the airport, my flight was officially cancelled last night. Poor River had to drag his butt out of bed to come and get grumpy, crabby, frustrated me. I luckily was able to get onto the morning flight (I was one of the few) so here I am, back at the airport, ready to fly into the tundra that is Cleveland, Ohio. Sometimes when I look in on my life from the outside I just have to find a way to laugh. I am literally the person who hits every single red light. The path is never easy for me, but I have to believe its because the big guy knows that I’m a fighter and I can handle it. There is a silver lining to every situation, although hard to find. I got to spend one more night with my husband and puppies and actually got the best nights sleep I’ve gotten in weeks, (about 4 hours). Today was supposed to be the start day of my new job that I unfortunately had to back out of. I’m besides myself about it because I was really looking forward to getting back into the work world, but I know I wouldn’t be able to give 100% to anything right now and that wouldn’t be fair to the family or to myself. Deep breathe…So here I am, sitting in an airport with no end point in sight. I hope I made the right decision by choosing Cleveland to get medical care…River can use the break and Kyra is home for the next week so i’ll get some extra cuddle times with her. I’ve been very impressed so far with the understanding and compassion of River’s firm. He had to miss a couple of days a week around Christmas because of my doctors appointments and was late this morning because of having to drop me off at the airport. You would think they would be frustrated and it would be frowned down upon, but they have been nothing but beyond understanding and friendly about it. On a regular basis he gets emails from PARTNERS at the firm just simply asking “how is your wife feeling this week?” I know it puts his mind at ease and it sure makes me feel good too.

Finally made it into Akron this morning to find out that my amazing doctor was going to see me on his lunch break (why i love him). So my mom literally flew us to the clinic. Upon seeing him he seemed to be as concerned as I was and decided that admitting me to the hospital was the right call. Hearing him say that was vindication enough that i made the right call coming home. So the game plan for now is to have me here for the next 3-5 days and continue the steroids via an IV, which will hopefully jumpstart the process and give me some quick relief. As for a long term treatment plan, still up in the air depending on how my body responds to the steroids. Missing my hubby and boys already, but mom and Ky are on the way with valentine's, so for now, life is good. 

I'm writing this post from the filthy terminals of LaGuardia airport. Last night things got pretty bad and River and I decided that I needed to get home to the Cleveland clinic and get this taken care of once and for all. We hopped on the phone and got a one way flight to Cleveland. Those who know me we'll know that river is my absolute rock and I wouldn't survive any of this without him. Not to mention I have my two fluffy therapy dogs who by some sixth sense can tell when I'm feeling sick before I can. The decision to leave my family to seek therapy says worlds about how I'm feeling. I feel so helpless in New York without my network of doctors and think that it's more beneficial to get home to get it figured out rather than sit in an ER for hours on end getting poked like a guinea pig. The past 72 hours my eyes have started to swell shut, I'm not sure if I'm having an allergic reaction to the prednisone or if it's just another twisted complication of the crohns, but regardless, it's worry some and I need to get it looked at. My doctor at the clinic is one of the best crohns specialists in the country and if he told me to just off a bridge, let's face it, I'd consider it. My plan is to get home around midnight, go strait to the ER and hopefully have him see me to admit me to the hospital first thing in the morning. Tomorrow is his first day back from holiday and I can only hope that he will be able to find some sort of time to see me. Naturally, there has to be a kink in my plans, and the massive snowstorm in Cleveland isn't helping right about now. My flight was delayed for only an hour so far and I'm hoping that from here out I have a smooth and quick flight and maybe everyone will cancel their appointments with doctor Ashkar tomorrow!! (Wishful thinking, right?) Both of my parents and rivers parents have been so helpful and supportive through all of this and I always know when I come back to Cleveland I'll be in good hands with all of them watching over me. It's funny no matter how old you get, your parents never stop worrying about you and keeping your best interests at heart. Thank god for all of them. This will be the longest I've been without river in as long as I can remember and I am surely not looking forward to that. My last hospital stay he didn't leave my side for 10 days strait. The angel slept in a chair next to my bed. He takes a part of his CPA exam Friday and so I'm hoping that I can get out of his hair for a couple days so that he can really focus on studying and getting this part of his test out of the way (I know you can do it baby!) I'm off to go check on my flight, please cross your fingers for no more delays and a safe and easy flight (especially since I don't have my hand squeezing travel buddy with me) Everyone stay warm. See you later NYC, hello 216.

Timing never seems to be on my side. The holidays are rolling around, my sister is coming to visit, and New York is a glow with beautiful christmas directions. I also found what I believe will be a perfect job nannying a little boy named Hudson. He is such a precious little chunk and i look forward to getting back into the routine of working with kids. Everything was looking positive, until one day i started feeling little glimpses of my sick self. The hardest part of being in New York is that i haven't established a routine with doctors yet. My doctor at the Cleveland Clinic has been a god send the past 8 years and being 8 hours away has made it difficult. I had a scare during which i went to new york pres emergency room, and it was horrifying. The Cleveland clinic really spoils those of us who have such an amazing facility at the tips of our fingers. Finally i got an appointment for a colonoscopy on christmas eve and i just had to hold on a few weeks until then. This was no small task. I became so sick i was hardly able to leave my bed, let alone my apartment. Kyra's visit was amazing, i wasn't able to do much of the sightseeing she wanted to do, but her and River got to do some city exploring while i tried to relax and feel better. Christmas eve came and that meant it, colonoscopy  time, wahoo! Every time i get a colonoscopy i am always terrified to see what the results say. When I feel good I'm afraid that they will find something inflamed and when i feel as sick as i did this past month, I'm horrified they will say everything looks ok on the inside. Luckily, they did find something that would explain why i have been suffering the past month. The doctors were shocked to see the progression from my clean scan in june, a simple 6 months ago. So now began the game of what to do next? Surgery was supposed to be my best option due to the fact that for some reason my body doesn't react to the meds in the ways we hope it would. Now a short 18 months later my disease was full blown back and full of inflammation, deep ulcers and polyps. Still not being able to speak with my doctor, one of his co workers immediately put me on steroids to give me some relief until i could stay a more drastic treatment. For anyone who has never taken prednisone, it really messes with you. It makes it impossible to sleep, you are constantly on edge, it just overall sucks. I start my job full time next week and hope everyday this steroid will kick in and be able to get me through the long days. Timing is everything...

The new year has officially started and I for one, was not ready to say goodbye to 2013. The past year was the busiest, happiest, most productive year of my life. My father in law always says that the three biggest life transitions are getting your first big person job, getting married, and moving into your first real home. In the past 12 months, River and I crossed all three off of our bucket lists. Buffalo had been our home since we graduated high school, River and I both graduated from UB. After graduation I became an infant teacher at a job that I loved with people that grew to become my closest life friends. River pursued his dream of becoming an accountant at grad school while still living his athletic dream of playing d1 baseball. In the midst of all this, we were planning what would be the happiest day of our lives, our wedding (7/6/13). Once the fairytale day was behind us, we quickly turned all our gears towards making the move from our 4 bedroom house in a buffalo suburb to a one bedroom apartment in Manhattan. River had been offered a staff accountant position at a firm in midtown that fit him (almost) better than his pitchers mitt. This move was the biggest gamble of all for me. I was in love with my job and my husband and was somehow planning to uproot all of this to move to the biggest city in the country, almost blindly. I didn't have a job lined up and until we showed up at the door, we hadn't even seen our apartment. This was needless to say the hardest thing I've ever done. By the time we unpacked our last box, River started his job and I was officially an unemployed housewife living in NYC. Pretty cool right? not so much. I spent the next month looking for jobs in my field of interest all while trying to adjust to my new environment. Having my brother and sister in law in the city was a blessing and they made the transition much easier for me. Eventually I learned to embrace my "down time" and began to fall in love with the city more every day. Everything was falling into place, all was as it should be. Until it wasn't. The past month I've added another major twist into my life. One summer day in 2008 changed my life forever when I got the phone call that I was diagnosed with crohn's disease, a condition i knew absolutely nothing about. Since that day i have been dealing with the struggle of my condition everyday. Those who know me understand how much it impacts me on a daily basis, and for those who don't, i take it with me everywhere i go. I feel like i am never alone, i always have this "shadow" following me that i need to be prepared to face at any time. May 2012 was the lowest point of my disease and i finally made the step to have 9 inches of my small intestine removed in hopes to give me 5-10 years of disease free living. In May 2013 i celebrated my first "clean" colonoscopy in over 5 years, the feeling was amazing. As per usual, once my life all came together in New York City, my disease had to poke me just to remind me it was still there. The past month I have hit a fast downward spiral in which my health has deteriorated from perfectly healthy to not being able to leave my bed on a daily basis. I have decided to write this blog as a form of therapy for myself to help me deal with the devastating news that not only is my crohn's back 18 months after abdominal surgery, but to share my story about how i won't let it bring me down. My new years resolution is to embrace my disease instead of fearing it. I want to share my struggles as well as my triumphs with those around me.