the infertility rollercoaster

Since opening up about my roller coaster ride that is IVF I’ve had many people tell me how brave it is to share my story, but also that they are not super familiar with what the procces of IVF really is. Our journey with infertility started years ago. Because of the severity of my crohns disease I hadn’t gotten a period for over 5 years. Without ovulating and menstruating, you obviously cannot become pregnant. Our journey with infertility became very closely connected to our journey with crohns. Those who know me know that kids are my passion and I have wanted a large family my entire life. Believe it or not, working with 12 infants everyday only made this ache for kids grow larger. Upon being diagnosed with a genetic chronic disease like crohns, and being so sick that I almost died, I began an internal struggle that was, and still is, hard for me to cope with. How could I possibly think about having children if there is any chance that I could pass this horrid condition on to my baby. For a long time I decided I wouldn’t be able to do it, and this realization that my dreams were shattering caused me endless tears. River and I would eventually go through rigorous genetic testing and counseling before making the decision to go through with IVF. The first step to this whole process was first and foremost to get me healthy. I knew in the condition I was in my body would never allow itself to conceive, or carry a child. After failing countless medications and surgical procedures in September 2014 I was told that the only option I had left for my crohns was a surgery called a total proctocolectomy. In the crohns world this is the surgery of all surgeries and the decision to go through with it was not a hard one because for me, it was literally life or death. During the proctocolectomy I had 14 (additional from my small bowel resection in 2012) inches removed from my small intestine, my entire colon, my rectum, and my anus removed and was left with a permanent ileostomy bag. My world class surgeon told me that I had the worst colon and rectum he had ever seen. Upon getting this surgery my body responded SO well even my doctors couldn’t believe it. Aside from the absolutely horrific recovery my body was so happy to be rid of the sick parts. When River and I made the decision to go through with this surgery we realized we were cutting our fertility rates by 80%. Once you are able to comprehend just how aggressive my surgery was it is easy to understand why we are in the position we are in today. When you remove such a large part of your internal organs your body develops scar tissue to fill the massive gaps left behind. In my case, my uterus tilted when my colon was removed and scar tissue began growing near my tubes, making it virtually impossible for me to conceive naturally. Of course, at the time, this wasn’t something we knew and we spent a year and a half trying for something that would ultimately never happen.

            Once we settled in Cleveland and my body was finally at a place where I knew I would be able to give a baby a healthy home, we began investigating our fertility options. I also have to take a minute to brag about my company, Hyland software. A typical round of IVF costs around $12,000. My amazing company pays for fertility treatments up to a certain limit, and we have paid $0 to this point. How AMAZING is it that they are giving me this opportunity? Sure makes me work a little harder at the office…

            The beginning consultations to see if we were even candidates for IVF were pretty strenuous and involved lots of tests, including an HSG to check if my tubes were open, genetic testing for river and myself, as well as lots and lots of paperwork. The paperwork before we even started the actual IVF cycle really discouraged me and knocked me back down to reality. Having to sit in an office with a lawyer and sign documents saying that if IVF resulted in twins we would have to terminate a pregnancy and signing a notarized document saying what would legally happen to our embryos if a.) one or both of us died or b.) we got divorced was overwhelming to say the very least, and this was before all the insane hormone treatments…

Next time, the IVF process.

Hugs,  C