This past week I was fortunate enough to get to come home and do some visiting and relaxing with my family. River and I drove home after he got off of work Friday and had plans to enjoy all fall has to offer in NE Ohio over the weekend. River had to be back in the office Monday, but we were able to go apple picking, get pumpkins, go to an apple butter festival and watch the browns BEAT the steelers. Pretty successful weekend I would say. Im so lucky to have River cart me around, I know it was a lot of work for him to drive here and then fly back to work at the crack of dawn Monday morning, but he did it so I could spend the week here. The plan was that I was going to drive back at the end of the week. As it turns out, sitting in the car for so long was excruciatingly painful (I cant find a comfortable position for the sutures on my bottom) and we decided I wouldn’t be able to do the drive home myself. So now, my loving husband is taking a bus to State College, PA where I will meet him and then he will drive us back to the city. This way I only have to drive 3 hours and he will finish the other 5. It was so refreshing to be out of the city and in the country for the week. Even happier than me were the dogs, who were literally in heaven. The more I think about it the more I know the city life just isn’t for me. Everyone is so…unfriendly. Its so refreshing when your at a store or walking down the street and people are actually nice to you, its something you just don’t see in NYC, everyone is too busy to care.  They always tell you, “live in NYC once, but don’t let it make you hard”. This is a concept I am now able to understand. Being back home has been like a breathe of fresh air. Along that same line, throughout this whole surgical process I am shocked and overwhelmed at the amount of support I got from friends both old and new, family, and even strangers. I started this blog as a form of therapy for myself to help me cope with the medical struggles I was dealing with. Never in a million years did I think anyone would read it or care. My blog is now being followed by people in 15 countries and many people have reached out to me to let me know that my story has in some way impacted their lives. Ive had people thank me for teaching them about crohns, people tell me that I gave them the courage to talk to others about their ostomy, and many other touching stories. I cannot thank you guys enough for this support. You have no idea what you have given me by simply sending those messages of kindness. I come off brave and strong, but I am scared everyday, especially before my surgery, and hearing from people who have been following my story is so touching and helped me in more ways than I can explain. I cannot stress how important awareness is to me and how any small amount helps. For all of you that are looking for ways to help I encourage you to visit the CCFA (crohns & colitis foundation of America) website, share it on your facebook page or with your co-workers. I have had so many people tell me they didn’t know what crohns was before reading my blog and that makes my heart hurt because I remember when I was one of those people (pre-diagnosis) and had I known what crohns was I would have sought medical care long before I did.  I suffered for years before going to a doctor because I thought I would be looked at as crazy for complaining about having what I thought was a bad stomach ache. Awareness…

            Being 6 weeks out of surgery im starting to be able to do a lot more. I see my surgeon next week where I am hoping to be cleared to start light exercise again, hopefully yoga, and be told im able to lift more than the 5 pound limit ive had (I cant wait to be able to pick up my buddy Jonah again when I go back to work!). This 6 week mark also means im able to start incorporating more foods into my diet. This is something ive struggled with out of fear. I never fully understood how much this surgery would change things for me. The ultimate goal was that I would eventually be able to eat everything (including all the things I was never able to enjoy because of my crohns). This includes things like salads, spicy or fried food, or raw fruits and veggies. In my head im scared that now that my digestive tract is about ½ the normal length that things will get blocked in my stoma, like I experienced shortly after surgery. This is a common thing to happen to people with ostomys and is “treatable” but its also very painful and scary. Ive had to cope with the way eating feels now, it’s a whole new process. My body just knows that things are different, for example, for some reason I now just instinctually feel that I need to chew my food a ton more than I ever did before, its very hard to explain, but it just happens. Im also dealing with something called tenesmus, which is the feeling that you have to go to the bathroom even when you don’t have to. Obviously, I no longer have any control of when or how I go, it simply just happens into my ileostomy bag. It’s a very strange and painful feeling to think you have to push, but cant. My surgeon assures me that its normal and will pass. He thinks im crazy as I have so many questions and am paranoid about virtually everything. Everytime I see him he has to remind me that my body went through a drastic change and it will take time. I hope hes right, I cant wait until im back to normal and in the full swing of things again.

It’s the small things that matter, for example, last night I ate an apple. Im working on setting small goals for myself, every step counts.

Until next time, C